Codependency

I recently had an encounter with a middle-aged man who has fallen on difficult times. He has become unemployed. He has taken the step of moving in with his mother, who has a long history of putting her own needs above his. This well-meaning son believes his mother cannot do without him, even though she did quite well without him for twenty years when he lived one thousand miles away.

As I entered into this man's world with my own motivation to be helpful and to be a friend, I found myself blocked repeatedly by the relationship that exists between mother and son. Mother habitually supporting the son's bad habits. Son remorsefully living with the mother's repeated bad choices which impact them both. Both seeing themselves as helpless victims of their dance. My attempts to ally with the healthy instincts of my new friend were met with hostility and finally with the blanket statement, "I have no choice. I love my mother."

I am sure millions of people live in similar situations. Perhaps these relationships prevent human progress more than any other impediment. Individual human progress does entail growing up and developing an independent mind, an independent truth within the context of a greater society. If the individuals in a society do not progress, then the society itself cannot progress.

The hallmark of a healthy adult relationship is mutual respect and ongoing creativity, which requires constant evaluation and change. This is true of healthy relationships between parents and grown children, as well as relationships between friends and partners. Maintaining a healthy relationship and continuing to pursue a personal daily practice is challenging. The first step is establishing clear understanding of individual needs and limits, based in shared goals of individual health and happiness.

Lack of education is the fertile soil of codependency. Without a view beyond the horizon of your conditioned beliefs and habits, there is little incentive to change or grow as a human being. The window to that view is study. By learning about current science of the body and the mind, you are reading the owner's manual of your own being.

By understanding the proper operation and maintenance of your own body, you are embarking on a path to tremendous growth as a human being. Independent thought develops naturally on that path. Breaking the chains of codependency follows. Reforming healthy relationships where there was once codependency is very difficult. Those relationships must often be left behind. However, connecting with other healthy human beings becomes easier. This can lead to a rich and happier life with daily practice.