Communication

We are awash in communication. Mobiles, texting, emails, Facebook, Twitter. But what are we communicating?

Hehe, lol, wtf, brb. It seems we are trying hard to be present in the moment with our keyboards and keypads. Are we really present? Most often not. The fluid ease of the written word on line has replaced the fluid ease of verbal interaction, face to face. Many who are warm and urbane on a screen are stilted and cautious in person. The written word was once a carefully handcrafted attempt to be held, understood, touched by another, from whom the writer was separated. American Civil War letters from the battle front are a memorable example. Now the written word is a glib attempt to say, "I'm still here. I'm still paying attention." In reality, it is often a just key-clattering punctuation of a quick perusal of a Facebook page.

I don't spend a lot of time on Facebook for this reason. And, if I do comment on a friend's post, I do try to be thoughtful about both the post and my response. It always leaves me dissatisfied. I want to discuss the ideas with the person. I want to ask questions. I want to look into the person's eyes as we converse. The moment then passes, with the ideas. I truck on to the next post and the next, or I don't. More often the latter.

Last evening, before dinner, my partner and I were watching a PBS cooking show while waiting for a kitchen timer to ring. We began to discuss something, inspired by the program. Peter deftly picked up the remote and muted the TV. Our exchange last a few minutes before the timer summoned me back to the kitchen. As I dished up our meal, I smiled to myself at our ability to still communicate with full attention to one another, despite electronic distractions and entertainments.

Communication is the sustenance of all relationships. Whether with a stranger on a train or with your dearest friend, the quality of the interaction determines the quality of the human connection. It is not magic. It requires practice and skill to be able to feed relationships through effective self-expression and listening. As long as I focus on the humanity of every person with whom I speak, I find I can make a human connection through communicating with candor and openness. Silence, in my opinion, is better than just going through the motions.