Kindness

True kindness is not saccharine conformity to social conventions. That is hollow insincerity. True kindness is rooted in compassion.

In order to be truly kind, it helps to be fully grounded in understanding of self. Otherwise, much of what you may think is kind may simply be a projection of your own needs onto other people. There is no great value in being a bullying do-gooder. Many who proselytize as part of their charity work fall into this category.

True kindness comes from a desire to help others to attain their own peace and joy through their own means. Selling something to someone is not kindness. It is exploitation or domination. Doing the hard work of standing beside someone whose world view and methodology is completely at odds with your own is kind. Not giving up in the face of your anger or the anger of another is kind. Walking away rather than engaging in futile struggle is kind.

Learning to love yourself is the first step to loving others. Being kind to yourself without self-satisfaction or self-indulgence is for many of us an acquired skill which takes practice and moderation. True love is not blind. True love is mindful, patient and committed. Self-love shines in those who practice it. It is readily distinguishable from hollow bravado or conceit. Those who practice loving themselves are kind and loving to others.

Kindness, compassion and mindfulness sound like big concepts. However, they can exist concretely in action with conscious practice. Choosing the truly kind thing to say or do in the moment is the core of humanist practice as I understand it. It will always take repeated failure and attempts to become the person I wish to be. The effort itself has great worth.