Roles

We are raised into roles. It does not matter where we come from. Roles are developed by us and for us within all the systems we encounter. This is part of the human social condition.

Our inner monologues often conflict with the role expectations of those around us. I may see myself as the dutiful son or stellar worker while those in my family and work system may see me as inadequate or mediocre. No manner of discussion or logic may change this dissonance in certain cases. Those who see me in a role may be operating from role concepts imposed on them by their development, of which I have absolutely no knowledge and to which I can never measure up.



Marie Cosindas: Masks, 1966



I have found it useful to be extremely clear in my communication about my roles in various situations. This takes a great deal of effort and sometimes very lengthy negotiation. I find that those with whom I negotiate my roles often become frustrated by my insistence on attending to specific details. However, I feel that relying on assumptions about what certain aspects of a role entail only leads to inevitable and useless conflict or disappointment.

I am only in control of myself and my own behaviors to the extent that even that control is possible as a human being, subject to time, space and circumstance. I have intentionally cast off traditional roles as son, brother and friend at different points in my life in order to be the functional human being I seek to be. I have rigorously tried to fulfill to my best ability roles which I have accepted as employee, caregiver and manager.

The trick of practice is to live mindfully and healthily within roles which I assume out of conscience and my sense of humanist ethics. This comes with careful reflection and a respect for commitment as a process requiring clear communication and ongoing assessment. Meditation helps a great deal. Maintaining healthy daily routines is absolutely essential. Most of all, I must be truthful with myself about my capabilities and needs. This is all part of what I call my humanist practice.