Identity

When does identity become a necessary tool for personal growth? When does it become an obstacle? These questions rose in my mind as I listened to a report of NPR this morning about the closing of an antisemitism institute on the Yale campus. The controversy over the closure was peppered with cries of antisemitism, despite the fact the decision was made by university administrators, whose ranks are people by highly placed Jewish members.

When does identity become a crutch or excuse for dysfunctional behavior?As a gay man, I have had to work through many issues concerning my homosexual identity. The homosexual identity which society tried to impose on me in the 1960s, when I was becoming self-aware from childhood through adolescence, was abhorrent to me. After I came to grips with being gay, I came out everywhere in my life with the exception of my workplace when I was teaching at age 21 in a Catholic high school. I desperately needed that job, since I was independent from my rejecting family and had little money. My discomfort with that closeted situation contributed to my leaving the teaching profession after two years.

I became politically active in those early adult years. I also became a regular at gay bars and gay events. Then I discovered other challenges to my identity. I was seen as too serious, too butch, too tall, etc.. There was no safe, one-size-fits-all gay identity. This was deeply disturbing at the time. More perceived rejection convinced me to walk my own path as a gay man. I avoided cliques and chose my friendships carefully and individually, based on their merits.

Later in life, it became evident to me that my paternal grandmother was most likely Jewish by birth. I suppose technically this made my seemingly Irish-American-cop father a Jew. Now there was a mind-bender in the identity department. It explained why my father volunteered for years at the YMHA and why I was the only ostensibly non-Jewish boy there in my childhood. That childhood identity as a beleaguered goy-boy at the YMHA was a preview of coming attractions.

Practice is very helpful in placing identity in perspective. By establishing a daily personal practice, of which the core principle is self-understanding as a basis for understanding others and the world, I have discovered the person underneath my multiple assumed and assigned identities. When confronted with others who are entrenched in a monolithic identity of any kind, I am able to see past that barrier to their core self with some effort. This disarms reactive reflexes whenever that makes sense.

What kind of world would this be if there was simply one identity, shared by all people, a human identity? Perhaps dismantling our imposed or assumed identities is the work of the time. Social media certainly can help, as long as we do not succumb to shallow political correctness. By displaying who we are honestly, we soon find out that others will gladly do the same. Once we are all 'out' as human, perhaps we can get on with the work of being the best that we can be as a species.