Dishonesty

There is no growing love in a relationship crippled by dishonesty. I am not referring to parent-child "Where did you go after school?" dishonesty. I am referring to the adult dishonesty of emotional expression and intellectual truth. 

I recently watched a popular TV show, Sons of Anarchy. I wanted to see why a show based on meth-dealing sociopaths as heroes could be a smash hit. It became quickly evident to me with the repetition of the show's biker tag line, "It's all good." These "It's-all-good" creeps are dishonest to everyone in their lives as they use violence, selling guns and dealing drugs to maintain control of a small town. I suppose this show is a good allegory for modern America, but it is not at all about love, loyalty or belonging.

Maintaining an honest, equitable and loving relationship is a uniquely human capability. Whether it grows between lovers, friends or family members, this form of loving develops and reveals the finest human qualities of generosity and affection. Sadly, too few human beings know this kind of love in their lives. 

When human beings force themselves to conform to conventions, roles and rules of their culture or religion or parental tradition, they suffer. They fight their inner potential to be open, free and loving beyond the constraints of their birth and upbringing. They contain their mind's flight to light and growth by telling themselves lies and subscribing to the lies of their upbringing. They live limited lives against the grain of their better human nature.

Love is not sexual infatuation or addiction. I suppose some may equate love with the feelings of a good bowel movement or a tasty hamburger. These are simply examples of satiation of selfish natural bodily urges or needs. NSA sex is the same, and may well have its place in modern life. However, love is as much giving of self as it is getting an open understanding of another. The door to this process is personal and interpersonal honesty, not sex.

It takes being a grown-up to have an honest relationship. It takes time, even for grown-ups. It takes a commitment to mutual acceptance of mutual freedom, even if that mutual freedom may eventually lead to a physical separation. Honest commitment allows for individual choice and freedom of thought. Loving human relationships based in independent honesty and mutual respect are the hope of human evolution.