Conflict

For some deep psychological reason, I'm sure, I decided to watch a really cheesy superhero movie last evening. You know, the kind of movie adapted from a comic book which is all sanitized violence and special effects. Sexy men in fancy dress. Explosions and trite moralistic pronouncements. It was just what I had a hankering for...audio-visual potato chips. I surrendered to the urge.

The conflict in the film was staged as Will against Fear. Will, in this case, seemed to represent self-actualization through self-knowledge and self-control. Fear seemed to represent submission to the Will of another or to the subconscious. 

The protagonist worked out his inner conflict by being a defender (in the name of Will)  of the human race against an evil invader (a consuming Fear). Of course, the protagonist won. He pushed Fear into the gravitational field of the Sun. Poof...Fear was vaporized. Quite heroic Nothing but evil-vanquishing Will for that superhero in the future, as his misty-eyed Lois Lane watches from an asexual distance.

Conflict is the engine of the human mind. We tend to see it in the form of daily decisions and choices. In real life, Will never permanently defeats Fear. Fear is what keeps animals alive. Fear of predation, fear of disease, fear of deprivation. Our animal brains are preset to monitor our fears and react accordingly. The conflict arises when our minds think differently from our instinctual reflexes. The tension created by this conflict is basically the business of practice. 

Having a personal practice is a way of channeling internal conflict into progressive action within a life and within a society. For example, my fear of irrationality and emotionality, based in my childhood experiences, was in conflict with my autonomy and science education, when I was trying to find a satisfying career after college. Eventually, exploring this conflict led me to pursue my first nursing specialty in psychiatric hospitals. My work within mental institutions led to other conflicts which helped form my current daily practice. 

It is part of my personal practice to embrace my internal conflicts, as opposed to dismissing them or sublimating them. One net effect of this practice is a diminished interest in engaging in externalized conflicts with other people. By understanding my own conflicts, I am less willing to enter into the conflicts of others in an externalized fight. This is an element of compassion, developed through understanding that all people are living with internal conflicts between their will and their fear.