Absolution

There are no blank slates in life with the possible exception of the world-view of those with severe dementia. We each live with the cumulative effects of the causes we have initiated or pursued. We are the choices we have made with the bodies and minds we have been given by our biology and our environments.

The gimmick of absolution was best exploited by the medieval Catholic Church as it hurled armies at the Holy Land in the Crusades, payback for the fall of the last vestiges of the Eastern Roman Empire to rising Islam. The absolution game was simple. Catholic aristocrats could commit rape, incest, patricide, fratricide, or any other atrocity against humanity, and eventually attain cleansing absolution in exchange for joining the Crusades in cooperation with the Papacy.

We now know from psychology that experience imprints information on the brain, like data on a hard drive of a computer. While the brain may not easily offer up specific memory on demand for multiple reasons, the data is there. It is reasonable to assume that its impact on the body and mind is also still there to some degree. Research into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder supports this concept.  

How different would the education of children be if this was taken seriously throughout society? How much more onerous would it make any decision to commit violence? How much more seriously would politicians take sending soldiers into combat? 

The realization of the stubborn emotional consequences of my own actions came early in my life. When I was a young boy, I assaulted my cousin violently when he goaded me in public about a frightening secret I had shared with him privately. I actually blacked out with rage. The only time in my life. When I was pulled off of him, I was scraping his face against a concrete sidewalk. He sustained no permanent physical damage, but we were both traumatized by what I had done. He was never open with me again. It contributed to my decision over a decade later to work in a hospital for the violently insane. My compassion for my most violent patients was born of empathy.

My chest tightens today at 62 when I recall that early-life trauma. Perhaps I would feel exonerated if I believed that my physical reaction is some god's punishment which would thereby absolve me of my violence. I think that would be irresponsible. I committed the act. I live with its effect. I have chosen to acknowledge it and learn from it. I have not initiated aggressive violence against another human being since that day. I have turned my poisonous rage into practical medicine by physical and emotional care for others professionally and in my private life in many forms. 

I believe the humanist need not seek absolution. He seeks understanding with responsibility for his thoughts and actions. He transmits that understanding to others after honest reflection. He accepts the caring and forgiveness of others while understanding the value of their compassion. Humanist practice entails honestly looking at our own actions with a skeptical and analytic eye. This is so much more valuable than an imagined absolution. It is the foundation of learning and changing who I am. And its weight is a great preventative force to avoid committing the same mistakes repeatedly.