Don't

Dealing with behaviors which interfere with my own happiness has been a challenge of a lifetime. When I was a child, I had many neurotic compulsive behaviors. My body was plagued with physical conditions related to internal stress. Rashes, itches, incontinence. I was a mess. My mother occasionally moaned in despair,"What did I do to deserve a kid like this?"

As I was emerging from this storm of somatic symptoms, I began to make friendships with neighborhood kids. I began to come out of my shell. Then my grandfather, my best friend and two other schoolmates died suddenly in various accidents. The suicidal depression which followed, lasted for several years. It was my dark, brooding secret. My family, preoccupied with melodramas of their own, didn't notice. I was out of the way and quiet. That seemed to be what they expected of me. 

I entered college at 16, thanks to some good luck and hard work. I was forty pounds overweight and socially inept. One of my classmates mistook me for a professor during freshman orientation. Older than my years in many ways. Naive and foolish in others.

I had an awakening, one of several in the subsequent years of my life. I was sitting alone in the college cafeteria between classes. I watched happy groups of students chatting and laughing. I realized in that moment that I was my own worst enemy. I took out a pad of paper and wrote a list of things that stood in the way of my happiness. The first thing on the list was my physical appearance.

Two months later I sat in the same cafeteria with several of my new friends. I had lost forty pounds through a rigorous diet and exercise regime. I had changed the frames on my glasses from thick plastic to wire rims. I bought clothes that were similar to the clothes my wealthier, older and worldlier classmates wore. I learned a deep lesson, "Don't stand in the way of your own happiness!"

Positive affirmations and feedback serve their purposes. However, many people simply stand in the way of their own happiness without anyone else acknowledging it. The "don'ts" are as important as the "do's". Making the decision to not do something any more is sometimes the beginning of great personal progress. Smoking, drunkenness, overeating, angry outbursts, dysfunctional family ties, etc.. 

My early decision to not stand in the way of my own happiness has served me well. It was the beginning of a journey of self-discovery and self-development. This has been the core of my practice. That practice has empowered me to be a contributing member of society. It has led me to what I consider my humanism.