Alone

It has always been important for me to remember that I was brought alone into this world and will leave it alone. I am not twin, triplet or quadruplet. I appreciate that these individuals would have different understandings of their journeys through life.

Relationships, whether in pairs, in family or in community, are important parts of the human experience. Many people take relationships of all kinds for granted. Some never physically or psychologically leave their families of origin. Others find their life mates at any early age. Older people often develop sustaining relationships based on their shared need for security and their mutual understanding of life's bumps and grinds. The serially monogamous chalk up many intense relationships over their lifetimes. George Sand is a famous example. The polygamous can form mutually sustaining relationships with many people. The promiscuous are immersed in satiating heir own desire while assuming their ultimate loneliness. I do not use the words 'monogamous', 'polygamous' or 'promiscuous' here in a purely sexual context.

Loneliness while in a relationship is sometimes a sign of dysfunction. Some choose to stay put, despite alienation and dissonance. This is psychologically unhealthy in my opinion. A certain degree of loneliness within any relationship can be a sign of psychological health, when the parties acknowledge their differences and need for personal space.

No matter what the relationship, having relationships requires constant work to avoid mindless stagnation. Such stagnation poisons the individual capacity for love and creativity of the parties involved. As someone once said about a long-married couple, "Together they made up almost one whole person."

Practice entails being present, generous and mindful within relationships of all kinds. However, it takes at least two to tango in this case. Carrying the practice of growth and maintenance for a relationship while other parties do not participate is useless. It is a self-defeating exercise and an unhealthy one. 

The key realization of my responsibility primarily for my own limited lifespan powers my practice. The relationship I maintain with myself determines the health of the relationships I maintain with others. I cannot bring openness and loving to a relationship with another person who is closed and unloving. I can attempt to make a connection with the inherent goodness of another person in an attempt, however I cannot make anyone give of themselves if they are incapable or unwilling.

Practice can be a lonely business. For centuries, various sects of Christians and Buddhists have attempted to live the dichotomy of being alone in community. Some have succeeded brilliantly. More have lapsed into an insane obsession with dogma, ritual and/or fanaticism. Living a secular life in the consciousness of being alone while practicing humanist values in relationship to others is challenging in a materialistic world.