Narcissism

The narcissism of individuals is a topic of frequent discussions in the realm of psychotherapy and psychoanalysis. However, there is a greater narcissism which plagues the human species: The narcissism of groups.

 

The current debate and apparent progress for some in the gay marriage arena has exposed the narcissism of heterosexual majorities. This takes the form of a presumption that heterosexuals somehow control love, commitment and the right to have and raise children. They do not and have not throughout human history. The presumption is the symptom of their narcissism.

 

LGBT people are not immune to narcissism in groups. For example, there is a narcissistic group presumption among a growing segment of the gay population that serving in the military is a good thing for LGBT people. This is symptomatic of the contagion of a form of heterosexual narcissism as many LGBT people try to "mainstream".

 

The wonder of coming out to myself and others as a gay man in the 1960s was the wonder of establishing and owning my own identity as an individual human being. Yes, it was fraught with threats and danger. Even the police enjoyed victimizing us with impunity. The military didn't want us, an indication to me as a nonviolent person that I was definitely on the right path as a gay man with an ethical compass. That same ethical awareness discerned the basic wrong in marrying a woman to conceal myself for my personal safety and advancement in society at her expense. To do so would be intentionally narcissistic and misogynistic.

 

Gay men were once proud within their own circles of being nonviolent, creative and able to develop hybrid relationships which included sex, affection and long term commitment without State involvement. After all, the State was the enemy, the predator, who threatened our very lives. The Holocaust was not only a massacre of Jews, Communists and gypsies.

 

The Supreme Court's decision against discrimination in State marriage against gay/lesbian people was logical and just in the context of the U.S. constitution and modern understanding that sexual preference is most likely genetic. However, no State can grant me the right to love, to commit or to devise my own satisfactory human relationships. I was born with that right. I have lived that right without the blessings of any government or heterosexual majority.