Struggle

On some days, I am tempted to struggle against who I am in the moment. I may not want to get out of bed in the dim winter light. I may not want to tick things off my list of chores. In many cases, the struggle against who I am being to become more active and positive is worth it. There are cases of sadness, anger and disappointment which are not necessarily times when struggling against my feeling yields progress. In fact, struggling against it (denial) leads to a loss of momentum.

Learning to pick my battles has been a constant part of my individual practice. I have a somewhat reactionary nature which is modified by optimism and hard-learned patience. I could spend many days of my life writing letters (emails) to authorities or CEO's about the conditions I find on the street. I write my share, but I will not waste my life in reactionary attempts to control what is out of my control. This wisdom has come with experience. 

The line between being a reactionary and developing a sense of victimization is fine. A person who lives in constant negative reactions to the environment will eventually feel alienated and victimized. The reality is that we shape our perception of our environment. Our environment, made up of many elements out of our control, shapes us as well. The interplay between the process of shaping perception of the environment and being shaped by it is the grist of becoming a socially integrated human being.