INSTITUTIONAL BIGOTRY

One of the slogans of The Left today is "We must eliminate institutional racism." A variant refers to so-called "institutional sexism". Another might apply to LGBTQ+-identified individuals. As a person who has fought actual bigotry, directed at me personally by actual individuals, I cannot relate to this cry for government interference in society, based on a vague generalized concept of bigotry. Broad legislation against individual opinions or choices is a step down the road to totalitarianism.

Long before equal-rights legislation allegedly protected me against discrimination based on my sexuality, I was an openly homosexual adult male in general society here in the U.S.. I came out at the age of 20 to people in my life. It was 1970. All but one of my many college friends, male and female, turned their backs on me. Some said they rejected me because I had "lied" to them before coming out. I assumed this was due to their utter shame at all the nasty things they had said about homosexuals in front of me. It is noteworthy that many of these friends became nurses and physicians.

Some friends outside my college circle seemed to feel contaminated by the affection and comradery we had shared for several years. My closest friend outside my college circle cried on the phone as he told me that I should repent because I would be damned to hell.

This was a seismic period in my life. I had morphed from shy introvert to gregarious wit in my college years as a pre-med student at Boston College. I had entered the Jesuit university at 16 in order to take advantage of a full academic scholarship, despite my wish to attend Harvard, which my staunchly Catholic family loudly stated they would not subsidize under any circumstances. Their motivation was obvious. They had two homes and hoped to travel extensively when they retired at 65. 

I saw my scholarship as a path to eventual independence from their controlling behavior. So, I grew up in college in many ways. I realized that being my own person would entail eventually divorcing my family. I worked my way into a community of peers. And, in summer, I developed another community of peers from the students I worked summer jobs with. In a matter of months. They were all gone from my life in 1970.

I divorced my family after coming out because my father and mother both became abusive. My older married brother was living in Alaska. My father attempted to shoot me in the head with his police revolver in one horrific encounter. My mother knocked the gun from its resting place against my temple. It was cold comfort. She then continued to hurl abuse at me, as though I was responsible for his madness. I left their home soon after that. I had no money, but I had a car which had saved me from my 3-hour daily commute to and from college on public transport. I drove to Manhattan where the one college friend who had kept in touch was attending med school. He let me sleep on the couch of his dorm suite for a couple of weeks.

I came back to Boston after being rejected for several jobs in Manhattan. The country was in a recession and jobs were tight. Back in Boston, I slept in my car at first, until I procured a job at a blood lab where I had briefly worked after college. The director, perhaps a lesbian, took me in. I was able to get a small advance from her to rent a shabby room in a boarding house, owned by a mad older woman who tried to seduce me regularly. I lived on coffee (provided at work), cold cuts, potato chips and pickles. How's that for White privilege?

Eventually, I taught high school for two years and went back to school to get my nursing license. It seemed a long haul for a financially struggling single person in my early 20's. My college degree and my good grades (magna cum laude) had saved me. When I looked for a job before going to nursing school and later, after graduating, I encountered institutional bigotry. 

I wanted to work in mental health care. My idea was to work in the field for a year or two before deciding on the type of program to enroll in. I left teaching and applied for a mental health assistant position at a highly reputable Harvard-associated hospital. I was granted an interview after submitting my resume. The female social worker who interviewed me was stern but seemed interested. Then she asked the question: "Is there anything you would like to tell me about yourself that might be important for your work here?"

I was 23 and considered myself a gay pioneer. "Yes, actually. I am a gay man. I think psychiatry has mistreated homosexuals throughout its history. I would consider myself both a positive role model and an advocate for patients whose homosexuality has been stigmatized." Her reaction was instantaneous. She jumped up out of her chair and clapped her notebook shut. Her face was crimson. "I do not think you are in the right place, " she managed through gritted teeth. She left without giving me the courtesy of a handshake or any indication how my application process would be finalized. I received a rejection form letter weeks later. Well, that was about as institutional as bigotry gets. That was in-my-face bigotry.

I eventually took a medical-surgical nurse-assistant job for two years in a small community hospital. It was a wonderful experience. My mentors were Canadian nurses who had been recruited and given citizenship during WWII. I have never met stronger, nicer and more dedicated human beings. I went on to become an R.N. largely due to their inspiration.

As I approached my new R.N. career prior to graduation, I decided to pursue a job in mental health care. My psychiatric rotation in nursing school took place at an ancient state hospital, where I met several long-term residents who had been initially hospitalized decades earlier because they were gay teens. Their Catholic families had them committed. One had been lobotomized because he had escaped several times in his earlier years of confinement. Again, what kind of institutional bigotry could be worse, other than outright execution?

I decided I would fight this as long as I could do something to stop it. I applied to the mental hospital that had rejected me several years earlier. This time as a licensed professional nurse with a university degree. I was interviewed by two people. First, I was interviewed by a male nursing assistant. I thought this odd. Then I was interviewed by a nurse supervisor. Once again, I stated my personal bias when asked why I chose to apply. Once again I was rejected. 

I was hired shortly thereafter by an enthusiastic nurse supervisor and psychiatrist who interviewed me in a newer state hospital in downtown Boston. They immediately reacted positively to my statement of mission as an out gay nurse. That facility also covered the needs of my home city just outside Boston. I worked for two years at that locked facility with 30 beds and usually 40-45 patients. It was one of the hardest and best learning experiences of my life. 

Six years later, after working as a state-funded clinician for several years in an outpatient facility for my gay/lesbian community, I was once again in the job market. Where do you suppose I applied? Yes, I applied to the hospital which had rejected me twice. This time, however, I was hired, largely because I was willing to work permanent night shift on a locked ward with violent patients. It didn't matter. I had managed to enter the institution which had twice told me that I was somehow undesirable. I worked for that institution on and off for the next nine years. When I left, one of the directors of the facility's nursing department acknowledged my influence as an openly gay man. I felt that I had done something to change things there.

My point is that laws threatening people for not being civilized are useless. Any crafty person can figure a way around such laws. And, if you yourself are not civilized in speech and behavior, your quest is already handicapped. The hard work of challenging bigotry is fought on the ground, day by day by day. It is grueling and takes great persistence. It is painful, if you are the person discriminated against. The good news is that becoming educated, civilized (mannered) and competent is the best way to fight bigotry. Whether you are a plumber or a PhD, competence and good social skills which are backed by intelligence can break through. You may have to suffer rejections, but you can shame a bigot or two in the process. Those are dents in the armor of bigotry. Want to change an institution? Well, first you have to get inside and then change the bigotry of the people within it.