YOUR INDIVIDUAL GAY MALE IDENTITY MATTERS.

Does it really feel that satisfying to be lumped into a series of initials, like LGBTQI? It is perfectly understandable that a confused or isolated adolescent would run to the nearest rainbow flag for support. Heterosexual families and neighborhoods can be very confusing and even cruel to a gay boy. Today, some parents try to chemically and psychologically castrate young gay boys by fostering the fantasy that they are girls trapped in male bodies which are attracted to other males.

If you have survived the emergence from adolescence with a firm gay male identity, you might well feel rather lonely in today's confused sexuality landscape, where gender roles and collectivism have merged into some pretty unappealing scenes. You may well question whether it is possible to simply be a well adjusted man who is sexually and emotionally drawn to other men without squeezing into someone else's stereotype.

My answer to you is simple: You are in charge of the man you would become if you wish to take that responsibility.

A determined homosexual man does not have to be ruled by the constant heterosexual stereotyping which is unavoidable in mass media. Type "gay icons" into Google's search engine. You will be bombarded with images of female celebrities and drag queens. You will not be offered images of Alexander the Great, DaVinci, Michelangelo, Edward Carpenter, Walt Whitman, Alan Turing, E.M. Forster, Bayard Rustin, James Baldwin, Langston Hughes, Alvin Ailey, Robert Mapplethorpe, etc..

The first step to becoming acquainted with the better gay man you can become is understanding that sex is not the central pillar of any mature and creative personality. Healthy sexuality is absolutely necessary psychologically and physiologically, but it should not define you. Your worth is not determined by the number of tricks you accumulate, the size of your penis or how hot other gay men may find you.

Getting sex in its proper place in a male life is a challenge across the spectrum of maleness. It is not just a gay thing. I say this because gay men may well find support among their heterosexual friends as well as their gay friends in this area. A life guided primarily by sexual conquest or quid-pro-quo seduction may garner a measure of external success, but it will not be a life of lasting inner confidence and resilience. Even the beautiful get old, if they are lucky.

The self-preserving isolation which once marked homosexual male existence across the world was both burden and advantage. It was a burden in the sense that homosexual men often lived their entire lives without true intimacy. It was an advantage in the sense that intelligent homosexual men explored their minds and talents to compensate for that loneliness. The contributions these men made to science and humanities over the centuries is truly inestimable. But, despite the denial of their homosexuality by heterosexual historians, the truth of some of their personal stories has emerged over time. 

Gay men today can readily find an LGBTQI social environment in The West. That social environment may or may not actually be gay-male-friendly. Feminism and political correctness dominate many LGBTQI environments. They can be implicitly or explicitly anti-male and even anti-homosexual, in the sense of "non-binary" ideology.

This reality may well increase the challenge of the individual gay man forming his own secure homosexual male identity.

I have observed this in social media, where out gay men with the most obviously secure identities as being both homosexual and male have rejected the LGBTQI label. Many of these men identify now as Classic Liberals or Conservatives, politically. And, it is important to note that these men are generally well educated and already on successful mainstream career paths. This observable group cuts across socio-economic origins.

At the other end of the spectrum I have observed in social media, the gay men who strongly identify with, and advocate for, the LGBTQI label are feminists in a traditionally masochistic male way. They condemn their own maleness in favor of blending into the female-dominated and race-obsessed LGBTQI collective political mindset. And this is not new.

Gay Liberation of the Stonewall Era was inspired initially by the feminism of the 1960's, as well as the African-American Civil Rights Movement. However, radical lesbian feminists quickly isolated themselves within most urban Gay Liberation movements. Their propensity for male-hating aggression, even against gay men, turned many gay-lesbian bars into lesbian bars, for example. It was a commonly held gay male opinion, based in experience, that the appearance of too many lesbians in a gay male venue heralded its doom.

Gay-lesbian publications eventually shook themselves out into two camps: male and female. This seemed appropriate at the time, and, I believe, still is. Homosexuality is an overwhelmingly binary phenomenon, just like heterosexuality. The current attempt of the outliers of binary male-female reality to hijack the gay-lesbian political consciousness may have its day, but this will pass.

There is evidence in social media and mass media that gay men are returning to their maleness, even within the context of gay marriage. The WalkAway campaign is an example. What is the motivation for gay men to walk away from the LGBTQI label? Simple answer: Asserting confident and competent maleness is not an acceptable characteristic within that collectivist movement. 

There is something positive in this process. The possible complacency of some gay men due to the recent gains in legislated rights in the U.S. and elsewhere could threaten a major incentive for gay men throughout history to develop themselves as exemplary men in a heterosexual world. 

The challenge for every gay man in a predominantly heterosexual world is to recognize his permanent minority status as an opportunity rather than a handicap. Mimicking heterosexual lives within a gay marriage undermines that opportunity, in my opinion. 

Gay male unions are between men. They have historically enabled those in them to be competent male individuals in society. And, those unions have historically been free of the traditional sexual limitations of a heterosexual union, which should accommodate the needs of offspring. Celebration of male sexuality in the company of gay men is the web that unites gay men. 

The advantage of legislated rights for gay men in society is further liberation, rather than confinement within traditional heterosexual norms. Liberation from the confinement of traditional heterosexual marriage roles among heterosexuals is spreading in today's modern societies. Perhaps this is one of the most obvious side effects of modern feminism.

There is no need for a gay man in modern U.S. society to depend on an LGBTQI lobby or collective to decide what it means to live a productive life. An educated gay man can now move openly through American society based on his merit. This process will lead to the development of a sizable population of confident and competent gay men. The long overdue reconstruction of a healthier and stronger gay male culture in the U.S. is now beginning, despite attempts of many in the LGBTQI establishment to discourage it.